Moscow Apartment Hunt

7:45 p.m.: Moscow, Russia

Sometimes you just raise the bar a little too high.

I thought I could successfully locate 3 flats in a city of 12 million in 3 or 4 days.

But you know, there's nothing like a little xenophobia to liven things up.  I thought I had successfully located a flat for one of my co-workers until the babushka landlady called me.

Babushka:  "You wanted the flat?"
Me: "Yes I'm interested."
Babushka: "Will you rent it for two years?  I don't want a short term contract."
Me:  "I think for sure one year, but I have to look at the place first."
Babushka: "Who exactly will live there?"
Me: "Actually, it's not for me; it's for one of my co-workers.  She's a single American woman."
Babushka: [Pause] "I really wouldn't want to rent out to Americans.  Would you be interested in renting?"
Me: [Control of snicker] "I don't think my family with four children would be comfortable in your one room flat."
[Sound of phone hanging up in ear].

You might be indignant at this.  I reckon after so many years here I just find it funny.  And I can assure you that the babushka landlady is in the minority. I can't say as I can blame her either since she's heard so many less than positive things that have been victoriously trumpeted from her television set for so many years about Americans.  Some of those things are true. For instance, most Americans don't know how to read bus stop schedules.

I've ridden Moscow's world famous subway system and walked countless miles this week just to view some of the world's most interesting wallpaper choices.  I've mastered the deadpan phrase: "I suppose wallpaper is a question of personal taste."  This comment, followed by a small clearing of the throat and then a long pause is an important first step in the bargaining process.

Probably the main advertising scam is "how many minutes walk the flat is from the subway stop".  Just today I was in a flat that had fancy steps up to a Jacuzzi and a mini-bar, but also a mish-mash of various wallpapers and paints peeling off the walls.  The real estate agent said, "And it's only a 3 minute walk to the subway."  I had just timed it on my watch at 9 minutes.  So I said, "I just walked here from the subway.  I suppose if I were to take part in the Olympics I could also make it here in 3 minutes."

It's a little early to claim "meat in the pan" on the apartment hunt, but it looks like we've found 2 of the necessary 3 flats.  Not too shabby.  This weekend, more rides on the subway, walking, and hopefully less intriguing conversation and views of fascinating remodeling options and more of signing contracts.

Moving to Moscow

This is the first post on this brand new blog "Eye On Moscow".  We were "Eye On Perm", but the impending move from Perm to Moscow demands a new blog title.

It seems I know Russia better than I know my homeland of America anymore.  This feeling was underlined during a visit to the States last fall when I was at a complete loss as to how to put the title of a car in my name, which is a task I can readily perform here in Russia.

I've traveled through Moscow probably hundreds of times.  But Moscow is not like the rest of Russia, and transit is not equal to residence.

Size and cost seem to be the main impressions of Moscow at the moment.  Both exhibit shallow understanding yet real hurdles.  And both accent the challenge of finding proper housing for our family of six in Moscow.  

Since I also need to decide where I'm going to work in Moscow (meaning I need to find office space too), prime geographic location is at the moment a bit of a mystery.  As I'm still not accustomed to living in the city that is home to the world's third most expensive real estate, cost of rent is now daily raising my bushy eyebrows.

I like a challenge and a learning experience.  Looks like Moscow will be both.  Class begins next week as I travel from Perm to Moscow and I look ahead to the goal of determining housing location deepening my study of this great city.

WELCOME to Russia!

It has now been two weeks since our family's return to our beloved Russia.

The airplane was about to land in Moscow, but then the pilot hit the gas and we flew away. He then announced (I'm not kidding), "Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but we are having a problem with the flaps and they are not functioning. We are going to try to resolve the problem in the air, but if we can't... [pause]... we'll be back with you shortly."

Then (I'm totally kidding here, in case anyone is wondering) a guy in bib overalls and a ski mask, with a wrench exited the cabin and fixed the flaps.

The pilot then (serious again) said, "We think we have it taken care of so we'll give it another go."

The airplane was about to land in Moscow a second time, and our altitude was very low. Then the pilot hit the gas again and we flew away. Another announcement, "Ladies and gentlemen, sorry about that, but we can't see the runway because of the weather, so we'll try one more time."

Later on in passport control line at the airport (after the third, and ultimately successful landing attempt) we heard the pilot say to one of the stewardesses (airplane waitress), "You understand I can't land a plane without the flaps?"

If we'd known that we wouldn't have been so worried. See, we were all worried about the plane landing somewhere without the flaps. Apparently, it just stays up in the air until fixed.

Sometime later in passport line, as we walked up to the passport control booth, the kind passport control lady looked at our family and yelled, "One at a time!"

To which I calmly replied, "And our two year old too?"

To which she peacefully exclaimed, "Well, you're going to have to wait then!"

To which I merrily retorted, "Do you have any better ideas?"

About FM Radio during the Christmas season

I have recently had the experience of driving a van 15,000 miles around the United States with an international group of men, women, and children. I think fifty years from now when I am leaning back in a rocking chair reminiscing about this trip, the main thing I might remember, other than John Tesh's tireless quest to bring intelligence to America's airwaves, is how often American radio stations, during this holiday season of Yuletide cheer, play "The Little Drummer Boy."

After a solid three months of FM channel surfing, I think I might like to do something petty and very unmissionarylike to that little drummer boy, whose song is now firmly cemented in my brain.

I am joking, of course. What I would really like to do is to put that little drummer boy and John Tesh in a room together long enough so that the little drummer boy will come out spewing pointless factoids with profound voice inflections and John Tesh will be singing "I have no gifts to bring... a-rump-a-pum-pum". It would serve them both right... nothing against the little drummer boy or John Tesh.

Just 'cause It's Not Safe...

...doesn't mean it's not fun.

Hannah and Charlie try out some playground equipment that will be unavailable to them in the States this fall.

The predecessor to the treadmill reminded me of another unsafe children's recreation opportunity from a few years ago in Kharkov, Ukraine.

In our defense, it all happened really fast, and before we knew it our 4 and 2 year old were driving these mini-jetskis around without accompanying seat belts or life jackets.

Although I laugh in the video I am simultaneously taking documents and wallet out of my pocket just in case I need to play lifeguard.

Sorry for the grainy images. I plan to get a phone with a better camera this fall.

Eye On...

I see that Eye On Perm has not been consistent in blogging. Perhaps this is the greatest blog commandment of them all: "Thou shalt not blog inconsistently."

After living in Perm, Russia for ten years perhaps I no longer see the fantastic, humorous, thoughtful, or absurd aspects of this great city as unusual. We've blown out at least three car windows this year, for example, (for various reasons) and I no longer find this challenging or humorous. I just go and visit the Chinese guys on Izhevskaya street and they install a new window. Maybe we just need a new challenge...

But now, we are beginning to say good-bye to the city whose name harkens memories of bad '80's hairstyles. We will be in the USA this fall and return to Perm for only a few months before moving to Moscow in March 2010.

At that point, Eye On Perm shall inevitably morph into Eye On Moscow and everything shall seem new again. Will this create more consistent blogging? If nothing else, I suspect that Moscow prices and Moscow traffic should account for at least a couple years worth of blogging material.

For now, I am finding that Twitter is something I'm fairly consistent at. Perhaps it is the combination of the challenge and simplicity of saying everything you want to say in 140 characters or less. To follow me on Twitter click here...

More Moscow Vending Machines

In the February 3, 2009 blog I posted a photo of a Moscow caviar vending machine.  Apparently, there are a few more niche vending markets left untapped as evidenced by the above photo of a Moscow Umbrella Vending Machine spotted in late February at a Moscow shopping center.  Rain?  No umbrella?  No sales clerk?  No problem!

TOO MUCH EYE ON PERM

I wrote a book. At the very real risk of tooting my own horn, I would like to say that this is, by far, the best book I've ever written.

Do You Know Him?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upGCMl_b0n4

Does NOT get much better than this.

The World Famous Andy Klecka

I was almost famous: http://www.cleveland.com/brownsbeat/index.ssf/2009/01/super_bowl_snapshots_pittsburg.html